


Void of Hope: The Equidan drabbles

by gabbyv23



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-11
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 18:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabbyv23/pseuds/gabbyv23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Equius/Eridan drabbles consisting of just a bunch of fluffy redrom for the people who ship this as hard as I do. Read and Review- or don't! Whatever you want, broseph. (EDIT: Discontinued unless old fics are added?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Perfect Mess: Eridan's POV

Strong hands, rough and calloused, interlock with mine. I know he's lower than me and that when consulting my quadrants his name never once came up, but I don't care. His body is warm- as it often is- and I can smell the sweat rolling off his face. I lift my head and close my eyes and place a kiss on his cheek. I almost question my own actions: how I got to this point, when even he was expecting blackrom or platonic hatred. I try and tell him that I care, to what extent, to what length that I do, how we are two pieces of the same puzzle, how we belong together, but I say nothing. Instead I murmur softly, so softly, that my strange accent is almost lost in my voice. "I lovve you, Eq…" and I mean it and no logic, no rules, no social norms disprove it or even begin to explain why I do.

"Eridan…" he calls my name, my actual name, and my eyes almost water at the fact that he didn't call me seadweller or highblood or even royal blood or my last name instead of my first. His fingers reach out hesitantly as if almost unsure, but then resign the confusion to brush a stray hair behind my fins as softly and as affectionately as he can muster. "I… love you too."


	2. A Perfect Mess: Equius' POV

The seadweller lays right next to me, close enough where I can hear his breathing and heartbeat. Despite the richer blood it pumps, I realize it sounds no different than mine. I'm not paying attention to my breathing and I wonder who is more nervous. He is a highblood, he is better than me. I should not even be in close proximity to him. Why hasn't he scowled at me, why hasn't he dug his nails and teeth into my skin? I don't deserve his affection or praise or even presence. Suddenly, it occurs to me that not a single order has been uttered today. We've been lying here wordlessly and without reason. I wonder whether I should get up or not, but then he shifts. He kisses my cheek and says something… something I never thought to hear…

"I lovve you, Eq."

It's soft enough to where his accent is almost inaudible, but I catch it. I catch every lip movement he makes when he says it. Although I should be overjoyed I am frightened. How could a highblood such as himself have such feelings toward a blueblood? What if my unordered actions and words offend him…? I bite at my lip, hard enough to make it bleed. "Eridan…" I start. I can't recall a time that I've called by his first name and I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have. Slowly, hesitantly, I reach my hands towards his face, but then reject my hesitation. Maybe it's okay. Softly, as soft as I can, I brush his hair behind those beautiful, purple-flushed, fins. "I… love you too…" and how could I not? Hemospectrum forgive me… but I belong with him.


	3. Casual Conversation

centaursTesticle. The name is on your Trollian list and yet... you don't dare click it. He hasn't blocked you yet which is... surprising. You haven't talked in... Well you hardly ever talk. Granted you were kind of forward with him last time, but that was forever ago. You know it was exactly one forever ago because forever ago you found out that well...

You were obsessed with that disgusting sweaty lowblood freak. His strength, his knowledge, his every move... his willingness, gentleness, grace... fuck. His name shows up in your head whenever you think about quadrants or after you get rejected by someone or consider your options or whatever the case may be.

You're lonely; Lonely for a reason no doubt. You want to kill all landdwellers or at least you say you do for a variety of different reasons, not all completely due to just being some genocidal freak. Not that they see it.

He's lonely. Most things he touch break. People think he's a creep because of how much he sweats and his fondness for hoofbeasts. God how the sweat shines when it rolls off his face-

The point is you were equally lonely. While quadrants weren't really something he was concerned with or at least not to the degree you were, you think the two of you would be absolutely perfect.

And today... you had given up on avoiding it. You winced a bit, not looking at the screen so much, and pushed the mouse towards his name, double-clicking. You type something like, "hey eq i wwas wwonderin if maybe..." and then you quickly backspace it. "hey so i wwas just thinkin today howw youre wwithout a matesprit an im wwithout a matesprit..." you backspace again. THINK Eridan, THINK! But you don't end up typing anything.

He types something first instead, making your blood run cold.

"D --> Seadweller"

You like your race, yes, but not when he says it. He hates seadwellers. He really does. You wait for a stern talking to, but he waits for your reply. You act like you aren't scared. "wwhat do you wwant eq" that works... That has to work...

"D --> How are you"

How... HOW ARE YOU? That's... eh... out of character. Wouldn't he type something like, well, wouldn't he need something? Wouldn't it be important? "im fine eq wwhat about you" Casual conversation. What even is this?

"D --> I'm  
D --> Lonely, Eridan"

Lonely? You're...

"im lonely too"

The two of you end up talking for a while, until it's fairly late and you decide to log off. You ponder to yourself that, perhaps this is somewhat like one of those dreams that humans speak of, and if it was you hope you never wake up.


	4. Praise

"Your eyes are sooo pretty, Eq! Wwhy do you hide them? Those shades are broken anywways..." your matesprit coos at you, ringed fingers caressing and brushing your face.

You try to put your shades back on, but he doesn't let you. You're cuddling in the robot pile- a pile which you had pretty much reserved for Nepeta, however you allowed him to use it. Really he was doing all the cuddling, not that you had a problem with it. It was strange seeing him like this and you wondered if he was like that with all of his redder quadrants, not that he had many. You'd cuddle back too if it wasn't for your immense strength.

"Evven the bruised parts, like... You'd think a strong guy like you wouldn't get bruises, but you can an that's... Kinda nice in a wway..."

He'd pick apart your insecurities and make them sound like good things. He made it seem easy. All you could do is sigh and offer protesting replies. Not all that protesting, but the type one would expect when receiving needless praise.

He ends the seemingly endless affection with a kiss to the cheek. He snuggles into your chest, and you give him a gentle hug.

"I lovve you, Eq."

"I love you too, Eridan," you say and softly nuzzle his cheek. "May I have my shades back now?"

He grinned. "Shore" and pushes your glasses back on with his fingertips.

You smile back and sit with him for a few more minutes. The silence is filled with only breaths. You find yourself slipping into unconsciousness and fall asleep with Eridan lying in your arms,

And you don't mind it one bit.


	5. Like Poetry

Their lips and hands were perfect matches for each other. The type of matespritship you don’t get in sweeps. Every woe he had was drowned in kisses, and he did the same for him. Every time he fell, in every sense of the word, his matesprit was there to sweep him off his feet. He never cried anymore, nor in secret or in public. He’d smile. He’d actually smile. Their racial feuds melted away in this romance. Their blood no longer mattered. When it all started, he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever lived a day without him. How he’d even survived without him. They were given strange looks, but they’d dismiss every one. He was clingy, yes, but his matesprit didn’t mind. Hands forever tangled in one another. It was as if time had stopped and all he could see was him. He was forever hi-

The door slammed open, “Vvris are you wwriting fanfiction about me again!?” Eridan grit through his teeth.

“Maaaaaaaaybe?” Vriska smiled with her fangs, closing the book and childishly guarding it.

He lunged at her fully prepared to claw her throat, “WWHY I OUTTA-“

“Seadweller, please.” Equius held him back by his arms.

“But EQ, this is totally an INVVASION of our PRIVVACY!” he whined.

“Shhh…” Equius kissed the top of his head and Eridan gave a defeated pout.

An oliveblood crawled out from under Vriska’s desk and stood up, brushing the dirt off her jeans. “Gosh! At least it was a good fic!”

“Nepeta, what are you doing here?” Equius asked.

“I helped!” she clapped.

“You WWHAT?”

“Oh come oooooooon, Eridan. Like anyone doesn’t ship you two.”

“It’s true! Heehee.” Nepeta giggled. “It could’ve been worse! We could’ve written about your pailing sessions!”

“Oh god no.”

“In all the sweeps we were in a blackrom I’ve never heard you scream like that.”

Eridan hid in Equius’s arms. “Oh god oh god oh god oh god. Eq, wwe should leavve. Let’s leavve. Right noww.”

“Whatever you wish, seadweller.” They headed out the door.

“Have fuuuuuuuun!” Vriska waved with a wink.

“Yeah, fuck you, Vvris.”

“If you weren’t too busy fucking Equius.”

”God fucking damn it…”


	6. Safe

Your matesprit springs awake with a gasp and a choked sob. “Eeeq…” He sniffles and throws his arms around you, clinging for dear life.

“Shhh…” you murmur and ever so gently rub his back. He’s had a horror terror and although you sleep together in his recuperacoon he still manages to have them.

You comb your fingers through his hair and rub at his temples and the bases of his horns. His hyperventilating slows and you can hear his heartbeat return to normal. You kiss his forehead and he whinnies softly, his fins twitching in content.

He’s cute like this, you think, or would have thought if you weren’t so busy being concerned about him. The sound of his heartbeat soothes you. You love it when he’s this close so that you can hear it. It reminds you that he’s safe here, that he’s okay, and you would never let harm come to him for as long as he’s in your arms.

You love every cell of his being. From his ugliest scowls to his widest eyes, from his every weakness to his every strength. You love the cartilage in his fins and the light in his eyes and the shape of his lips. You love his voice and his walk and his skin and… Curse any moment when you didn’t and thank god you met him and thank god you’re together. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Eq?” he asks. 

You’re almost sure he’s still half asleep, but you answer him anyway. “Yes, Eridan?”

He nuzzles your cheek and his grip on you slips a bit. “I lovve you.” He tends to say it like it’s his favorite phrase, like if he doesn’t repeat himself you won’t believe him, but you understand. You don’t think he’s said it much to anyone else, and that even the people he’s closest to don’t know that how much he cares.

“I know. I love you too, Seadweller,” you respond with a smile.

He seems satisfied with that and exhales, resting his head on your shoulder. You wrap your arms around him and you don’t let him go because nothing can hurt him here. He’s safe.


	7. Feelings

Sometimes you like to pretend you’re weaker than you are, or whine, just to get the affection and doting you so rightfully deserve. Sometimes it’s not pretending, but almost always you’re overdoing it. And it would make sense, and is expected of you. You’re the highblood in this relationship; you’re the weaker one as much as you’d hate to admit, though all in all it isn’t about you. Not really.

You wonder how many people even see it. See through his strict demeanor, see through his isolation. How many people see that he has feelings too? 

You’ve seen his eyes before... begged him once and he gave in and his eyes... his big blue eyes were nowhere near emotionless. They were prettier than even you expected them to be and you realized that maybe, maybe he doesn’t want them to see them. And that’s fine... you almost wish you were so smart to hide your emotions like that, bother people less...

But sometimes it isn’t fine. Sometimes on particularly stressing days, he’d break more things, somedays he could hardly hold still. Those days you’d approach him, slowly as to not startle him, brave with the notion still instilled with you that he could not hurt you, stupid but brave. 

You’d place your hands on his shoulders and rub and squeeze. You’d nuzzle his neck and comb through his mane and kiss his cheek and his neck and his shoulders and his forehead. You’d massage his temples at the very base of his horns and whisper, “It’s alright, Eq... It’s alright...”

He’d sigh and nod and utter a thanks of some sort and get back to his work. You’d sit beside him, dropping whatever you were doing before, just to stay near him and make sure he’s okay. 

It’s more of a moirail’s job, but you figure it’s the best you could do whenever his wasn’t there to do it for you. You just want him to be okay.


	8. Hurt

_Crrk._

You open your eyes and stare wide-eyed at your arm, twisted in a direction arms are not supposed to be in. You take in sharp breaths and it hurts so bad you could puke. Your whole body tenses and shivers and your skin turns to ice. And it isn’t so much from pain as it is fear... He...

Your matesprit hurt you. He hurt you. You always tell him he won’t, you always believe that he won’t, and he gets better and better at controlling himself, but he... He hurt you. He broke your arm.

Hesitantly, you look back at him and he’s frozen too. His hands are up, a good distance from your arms and his lips are parted. He’s just as scared as you are. He steps backwards and he makes a turn and then runs out the room. 

You swallow your fear and you run after him “Eq! Wwait it- It wwasn’t your fault!”

He doesn’t stop. He keeps running and you have to stop him somehow. “Eq! Look it’s okay- It’s fine!”

He doesn’t stop until he’s in his respiteblock and he shut the door so hard it shatters. “Fiddlesticks!” he curses louder than he probably intended. He reaches for something to break, but he’s just so mad at himself that he doesn’t. He folds his arms tightly across his chest and slumps against the wall.

You carefully step over the shards of the broken door and try to talk to him. “Eq, come on, don’t be like this. You didn’t mean to-“

“It does not matter whether I meant to or not!” he responds almost immediately in probably the loudest and angriest tone you’ve ever heard from him. “What matters is that I injured you. It is completely my fault. 

“It wwon’t happen again,” you assure him.

“You don’t know that...”

“You could... nurse my arm as an apology?”

“What if I harm you further?”

You sigh. “You wwon’t, Eq. You wwon’t...” You sound like a broken record by now, but you mean it. You really do.

He shakes his head. “Fine... But if I do you have- as a highblood and as a troll you have every right to leave me.” 

You rest your head on his shoulder. “I knoww, but I wwon’t. You wwon’t hurt me either.”

“I’ll try not to...”

“And that’s the best you can do.”


	9. Bubbles

There they were. Eridan saw it with own two blank eyes whilst he was drifting through the bubbles. It was himself from a different timeline. He was just as dead as he was… but he was smiling. He was happy. He was smiling and laughing and holding hands with and kissing…

_Equius._

Eridan stood there watching from afar in complete and utter shock. What might have he done different in that timeline to land himself a matesprit? And not just a matesprit, but someone who could make him as happy as they were. And if Equius had been right in front of him, why couldn’t he have known that he was perfect for him? He’d never spoke to the guy. Never spoke a word to him. But if he had…

He shook his head. There was no use contemplating what could have been when he was dead. He left their bubble, without any notice he was there.

He traveled through the bubbles, usually not finding anything out of the ordinary, but sometimes he’d pass him by… He’d find Equius’s bubble, or one of them (He could never be quite sure) and he couldn’t… find the courage to speak to him.

But he had enough of it, he couldn’t let the awkward silence span sweeps. So the next time he found him, he… Well, it was a lot harder than he thought.

Eridan swallowed. He approached him, slowly. He hesitantly tapped him on the shoulder and flinched when Equius turned around.

“Erid- Seadweller?”

He bit his lip and looked into Equius’s eyes. “D-Did you see them?” he asked.

“See who? What are you going on about?”

Eridan stared at his feet. “Did ya see… u-us?”

“Oh. I… have, yes. Wh-“

Before Equius could finish, Eridan wrapped his arms around Equius tightly and bumped his head into his chest.

Equius froze in place. After a short while he returned the gesture and rubbed his back. “Are you okay…?” he asked, clearing his throat.

“Eq… Eq, it’s not fuckin’ fair…” He sniffled. “It isn’t. It’s not fair at all it’s… wwhy do they…? Wwhy can’t I…? It’s not fucking fair!” he mumbled in between muffled sobs. “Evverything fuckin’ sucks and I’m dead and I nevver… I nevver got to havve any of that!”

Equius ran his hand through Eridan’s hair. “I know it hurts, seadweller, but worrying about it now is useless and you should accept what has happened to you.”

Eridan growled. “I can’t! And I’m not gonna. Eq, if I kneww wwe wwere supposed to be matesprits, I wwould’vve…”

“That was one timeline, Eridan. It could’ve been different…”

“No! Shut up. Eq, you wwould’vve… Eq, they wwere so… wwe wwere so happy together, Eq. If you wweren’t jealous of them, you’d be lyin’. Wwe’re perfect for eachother.” He had let go of Equius, and looked at him. There were violet tears staining his face, and he was shaking.

Feeling guilty, Equius took Eridan in his arms and kissed his forehead. “It would come off that way.” The corner of his lips twitched in an awkward smile. “Eridan, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry… You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else does. We all did…”

They stood like that for a while, being crying blubbering messes. They kissed sometimes, but they had a million sweeps to sort it out.


End file.
